Paris, oh sphere, oh fear...

"I have never been in Paris,

but I have a past there."

So I'm not there yet. It is next week. But I worried. I have anxiety. It is so silly. I know. But I just can't shape this feeling of discomfort. Perhaps it is the fact that I haven't traveled in a long time. But then again I did move to Helsingborg from Stockholm, and this trip is just 3 days.

But it is the whole alone thing. There is a truth to face. And that is I don't do well traveling alone. I don't like it. I will have nobody to lean on when I am unsure of things.

But the company will send me off with a laptop and a cellphone, and a credit card. So what could possibly go wrong right?

AND STILL... there are so many things right now. The new job, that doesn't feel quite right yet. Sure it is closer and I get a much better salary. But I just get a bad vibe. Can't explain it.

And of course the hearing thing is awful. In two days time I'm getting a ear piece. And my whole life is about to change because of that fact. People just don't see it. They compare it to glasses, but it is not the same. You may not agree with me, but as far as I am concerned seeing is overrated, you don't need to see that much in the world, to understand things. But you NEED to hear things, what people tell you. And now I will be able to do so. And it scares me!

Paris pass port? Yes, I got that taken care of yesterday. It will be finished on Friday or on Monday. So that is taken care of, great.

I just feel really scared right now. It is real. I was so used to being happy that I forgot the horror of being afraid of everything.

BUT...

I know it will change however.

I know things will be better.

Don't worry about me.

I am truly loved by people.

I just wish I could better comfort myself at times like these.