This Time, The BNP Blow It In Oldham East & Saddleworth: Those Excuses In Full...

BNP 1,560 (4.4%)

As confidently predicted by everyone apart from the BNP's National Officer In Charge Of Making Stuff Up, the Saviours Of The Nation ™ have, yet again, failed to make any headway at all (and lost their deposit!) in a target seat.

“How could this have happened?” wail the disconsolate BNP Faithful of Oldham. “How could we fail yet again?”

And so the excuses begin...

There Was A Large Postal Vote

That Democracy's a sod, isn't it? Why, it's almost as though the LibLabCon Marxist BBC NWO Elite wanted to give people the chance to vote (for whoever they like, mind you!) in the comfort of their own homes, rather than queuing up at a draughty church hall to put their cross on the paper with the same stub of pencil on a bit of string they've been using since 1974.

It Was Raining

Doughty and steadfast your Oldham Nationalist may be: unfazed by taunts and untroubled by threats. The brightest flowering of our Nation's stouthearted spirit, equally ready to speak out against the myriad foes ranked against these islands as to take to the streets in protest at an injustice to a fellow Kinsman.

Unless it's raining. They hate it when it's spitting.

The Controlled Media Gave Hardly Any Coverage To The BNP Candidate

If only the Electorate had been given the chance to see Derek Adams displaying his statesmanlike demeanour, incisive grasp of political discourse and Shavian command of his mother tongue (or just seen him bang on, yet again, about how his pub being knocked down represented the most sinister exemplar of State Repression since the Stalinist Terror); that would've swung it. Oh yes. (Or, failing Derek Adams (as he will forever be known), we could at least have been treated to yet another sight of Griffin looking like the “before” bit in “The King's Speech”...)

The Nationalist Vote Was Split

I ask you; what's the point of having a democracy when any Tom, Dick & Harry can start up another so-called “Party” and get people to vote for them? It'd all be different if that nice Mr Griffin was in charge...

Massive Vote-Rigging Was To Blame

I suspect the operation by the LibLabCon Marxist BBC NWO Elite involved something as simple as this: After the polls close and the ballot boxes are sealed, they are driven at high speed to a secret depot, where dozens of handpicked lefty Council Staff (all of whom can be relied upon to remain silent about the whole affair until the day they die) lie in wait to open them, count every vote, filter out the ones for the BNP (the vast majority, I'll be bound), replace them with votes for the three (so-called!) “main” parties, reseal the boxes and drive them at breakneck speed to the “official” count. As we know from Barking & Dagenham, this entire operation would only have taken a few minutes. Bloody fast workers, those handpicked lefty Council Staff.

The Other Parties Had Billboards

Because, as anyone who knows anything about modern political campaigning will tell you, nothing, and I mean nothing, wins hearts and minds like a big poster of a fat bloke in a cheap suit leering like someone who wants to rape your cat. As amply proven in Barking and Dagenham.

Where Was The Truth Truck?

As a seasoned observer of Democracy's Rich Pageant, I can authoritatively say that nothing swings an election like a second-hand lorry with a poster and a loudspeaker. So where was it? No doubt there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. After all, Mr Griffin wouldn't raise thirty grand from his Members to buy a Brand New Lorry and then not use it at every available opportunity, would he?

People Voted For Other Parties

There's just no pleasing some people, is there? You give them a shabbily racist party run by a crook who would just as likely sell his own family for cosmetics testing as hand over the Accounts, putting up a candidate with all the polish, easy charm and quick-witted electoral nouse of Arthur Mullard on a particularly slow day, and STILL they won't vote for you.

What do they want? Real politics?

(Please Note: These same excuses may also be used for the forthcoming failure in Barnsley Central.)