House Republicans Challenge Senate Democrats to a

Clockwork Orange House of Fun Barbed Wire Steel

 Cage Death Match

"If the GOP wants to ensure that President

Obama isn't reelected, all it has to do is not

 make any deals with Democrats and default

on August 2. My companies have defaulted

four times---in 1991, 1992, 2004, and 2009---

and look what it's done for me!"

Dim Dem Wu Won't Seek Re-Erection

David Wu Admits He Has an

Unruly Schwarzenspitzerweiner,

Agrees Not to Run for Re-Election

"I only have sexual encounters of the third kind."

Dim Dem Wu Accused of Sexual Assault

After the notorious Weiner affair, Nancy and Harry

would never again be able to eat a hot dog without,

at least, looking sad.

"I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew,

didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little weiner, isn't it?"